A not so serious look at first person shooters
Doom: Legendary first person shooter that looks like crap today. You play the part of a space marine that must run around the level looking for colored keys to open the door to the next level. This never did make any sense – if you have a rocket launcher, why not just blast the door and go to the next level.
Doom II: Another legendary first person shooter that looks like crap today.
Final Doom: Another legendary first person shooter that looks like crap today. Idsoftware was too busy working on Quake, so Team TNT did the development of the Final Doom.
None of the Doom series had mouse look – where you could use the mouse to look and down.
Duke Nukem: Kinda like doom, but your fighting some kind of alien invasion. Duke always has some kind of smart remark to make about something.
Fallout: Even though its not a first person shooter, I would like to say “screw you interactive” for making a game that most people could not play. Fallout was a couple of years ahead of its time in cpu requirements.
Quake: Looks slightly better then Doom. The original tcp/ip support was crap and caused massive lag. That is why quakeworld came about. Quake made names like multiplayer deathmatch and quakecon an everyday word.
Team Fortress: Some silly game where 9 character classes fight over a stupid flag for points.
Quake II: Slightly improved graphics over Quake, but the gameplay sucked big time. Weapons were under powered, strogg looked stupid, no moving clouds or interactive environment. Enemy AI sucked big time. Screw you ID Software for making Quake II one of the most overhyped games of all time – I want my money back.
Hexen II: Cool game where you get to run around and kill sheep. Crappy maps, crappy story plot, but at least there are lots of stuff to break and plenty of sheep to kill.
Unreal: One of the first games to make you say “holy crap” with graphics that were ahead of their time. The only problem, a lot of the computers at the time could not run the game very well.
Red Neck Rampage: You play the role of a red neck hick that fights an alien invasion. Its the one game where your character can get drunk and start throwing up. The levels got a little boring after awhile.
Half-life: You play the role of a nerd by the name of gordon freeman. Gordon leaves his scientist buddies behind to die in black mesa as the troops are brought in to kill all of the survivors. half-life is a good example of how the strong survive and the weak die. Gordon basiclly says “screw yall, I’am outta here.” Even though half-life used the quake engine, the graphics were like “wow”.
Team Fortress Classic: Like the original team fortress but with better graphics. The teams are still fighting over a stupid flag, what is the deal with the flag? Once its stolen it just goes back to the base anyway. If the enemy wants the flag bad enough, sell it to them and make some money.
Counter-strike: One of the few games where you get to play as a terrorist and kill cops. Graphics look like crap today due to the quake 1 engine.
Quake III: Attempt made by valve software to cash in on the quake name, and is multiplayer only. Well, you could play with bots, but they get really boring after awhile. This game was boycotted by a lot of loyal quake fans that wanted some kind of single player game. Idsoftware took out the single player side and replaced it with a bunch of eye candy.
Doom III: Screw you id software for ruining the glorious name of Doom. Nobody at id software has ever heard of “duct tape”? Its this stuff you can use to attach a flashlight to a weapon. The original release of doom III was not even finished, you had to download a patch to finish the game. Did anyone that worked on doom III even play the original?
Painkiller: Your killed in a car wreck, your soul is sent to hell to kill demons so you can rescue your wife,,, or something like that. Music gets old. Awesome maps though.
Half-Life 2: Gordon freeman comes back, but this time he is forced to save a city called “City 17″. Gordon blows up part of city 17 and runs for his life before the combine can catch him.
Counter-Strike:Source: Now when you shoot a counter terrorist, you can see the blood spray on the walls. Gun Games modification rocks.
Quake 4: ID software was too busy to develop this game, so they let raven software do it. And one more time I would like to say “screw you raven and id software. Quake 4 sucks.
STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl: You play someone who was in a car wreck and does not remember who he is. Quest system sucks, weapons suck, radiation sucks, maps suck,,,,,, cool game though.
Fortress-Forever: Most awesome team fortress game ever made. Except that the medic is some kind of overpowered super man, who kills sentry guns at the speed of light.
Team Fortress 2: Screw you valve for ruining the name of Team Fortress. What id software did to Doom III, valve did to team fortress II – I want my money back.
Quake wars: When someone figures out what this game is about, let me know, please.
Unreal tournament 3: Grab a weapon and start killing people. Screw you interactive for using gamespy for the multiplayer part.
Left 4 Dead: You get to play some kind of mutated zombie and hunt the survivors down. The problem is, the survivors have guns, so you have to be careful.
Bioshock: Guy survives a plane crash, only to find an undewater city where he has to kill people who have too much lead in their water pipes. Its like everyone you run into is crazy and wants to kill you.
Left 4 Dead 2: More mutated zombies to kill the survivors with. But this time, the survivors get more weapons.
Borderlands: You run around killing these strange looking dogs. Good thing PETA has not seen this game. Closed maps with load times between maps, sorry multiplayer setup,,, this game rocks, but could have been so much better.
Post your comments in a candid history of first person shooters thread of the forums.